Updated: May 11, 2020

How do you know what you want to do?

I’ve never known what I’ve wanted to do. The main jobs in my area seem to focus around call centres, customer service, hospitality, care work, manual labour, insurance or recruitment. None of the positions I see listed in my area are anything close to creative, and if they are they're certainly out of my reach. I’ve moved out twice, once to Bangor, North Wales, a really warm, close seaside town. Then to Manchester to try and get a head start career wise but ended up running home due to it being too much too soon. Now I’m back right in my Stoke on Trent my comfort zone and again I’m considerably unhappy with what I’ve achieved so far career wise. I want to experience everything and do well in something I love to do. I admire so many magazine editors, bloggers and writers. I don’t think I am strong enough to branch out again, anything I’ve done I’ve done on a massive whim and I’ve always ended up running back to my comfort job. The lovely pub with the lovely locals and their stories.

In all honesty I feel a bit stuck. I used to travel everywhere I could both alone and with friends, I was driven in meeting new people and going to new places. I’ve slowly but surely settled back into my cosy home life. I’ve set goals for myself but I’m constantly in that shy state of mind, cautious of taking those steps to try anything new. Especially when it draws back to not knowing which route to take.

Is everyone else in their 20’s going through this confusion with jobs, relationships, lifestyle goals etc? I have ambition but I haven’t a clue what to do with it. I have so much energy when it comes to things I’m interested in but there’s always this 'yeah right' low self-esteem in the back of my head reminding me I don't know what I'm doing compared to everyone else. That doubt might be something to do with the comparing myself to anything living on Instagram addiction. I see beautiful, talented, career driven people accomplishing and achieving things all over the world. Grandma says I'm very lucky, in her day it was being lucky enough to grab a job and hold onto it.

I’m cautiously waiting for the confidence to just get over myself and get stuck in. Its daft because if a friend of mine was having these doubts I'd be so full of enthusiasm. I can imagine myself saying things like 'The longer you put it off the more disappointed you'll be in a years time when you haven't moved forward' and 'Come on you've got no excuse, you've done far scarier things and survived!' My woeful mindset is probably half of the problem, I'm actually stopping myself from making that first move.

I need to grab some balls, focus and research what that first step is to get me on the right track and to make me feel proactive about the right future. I wish a wise person would just hover into my carb filled Friday night and talk me through my options. In an ideal world.

If anyone feels anything like how I’ve felt tonight then feel free to pop up on Insta or Twitter etc, maybe the screenshot below will make you feel a bit better because trust me, life's luck can't get worse than mine sometimes. Here for a hug and a brew if anyone needs it.